thinking of u, Dad...
Just listened to one of "your" songs, one of the songs that was played at ur funeral. And it still drives me tears into my eyes. I miss u, Dad. I really miss u. Every day, every night. It seems like this pain won't fade, like it'll stay forever. Thinking of u still hurts. Talking about u with Liv still hurts. That's why I am not that often at ur grave. I just can't stand the pain. I don't wanna face ur grave, the gravestone with ur picture and name on it.
This year will be the 3rd Christmas without u. And again I managed to get away during this time. I don't really plan doing it, it just turns out this way for the 2nd time. I guess my subconscious just makes me do that.
K, managed to handle the tears...
So here's your song:
Morning has broken, like the first morning
Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird
Praise for the singing, praise for the morning
Praise for the springing fresh from the word
Sweet the rain's new fall, sunlit from heaven
Like the first dewfall, on the first grass
Praise for the sweetness of the wet garden
Sprung in completeness where his feet pass
Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning
Born of the one light, Eden saw play
Praise with elation, praise every morning
God's recreation of the new day
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I also don't know if the pain will ever go away?! Guess "DIE ZEIT HEILT ALLE WUNDEN" is just an ALIBI to go on. It's s.th. people say when they don't know what else to say, how to "hold" you.
ReplyDeleteI'm still so feared to "let go", I'm feared to loose a beloved person again and the worst news about is: I cannot change it. It will happen again and I'm powerless. All that remains is enjoying each moment that you can spend with the persons you love. More, you can't do.
And yes, it's horrible to read the name of that person on the grave...it was so horrible to read the name of my brother and me on the bouquet during the funeral. The names he called out so many times and now, they are written on the "flowers of goodbye".
They seem close, not gone, but when you see the grave you realize that they aren't on that planet anymore...and you can't do ANYTHING! You are just a stupid human being, so powerless...all you can do is "giving him to God".
Each time someone dies I think that this person is going to meet my father now...
Don't give up...
Yer, I agree. I also don't think that this pain will ever go away. I'm afraid it's sth. we have to deal with for the rest of our lifes. I really don't want to think about it. Would hurt even more.
ReplyDeleteTo me it was totally surreal reading our names, including the one of my lil one, on that flower band.
U know what hurts most? That I lost his voice. I could hear him, had words, sentences he said in my ear. But I lost them within time. I can't remember his voice. I still can see him, clearly. Playing with my daughter, arguing with my Mum, helping to care for my older brother - but it's like ur watching a video muted.
Hope I don't have to "watch" that in black'n white in the future.
I hope that we all meet again one day. That we can be with our beloved ones when our journey on earth is over.
Well, I believe that we do. Cause I don't believe that everything's over. To me then life wouldn't mean much if all ends when ur dead. Dunno how to explain that, but that's just how I feel about it.
And no, I won't give up. I can't. My Dad's watching me, can't disappoint him ;)
And so can't you - so don't give up!