happy new year

Here I am, not in Australia but in Austria. And it's fucking cold!! Anyone who wants to gimme some warmth?? Anyone?

I just wanted to wish u all a happy new year full of joy, health and love!
Will think of u on Midnight and will drink at least one beer for u! ;-)

Dad, I wish u a wonderful birthday. I'm thinking of u the whole day, it's ur day!! Love u, Dad!

So to all of u: take care, feel hugged and kissed,
foxtrot



happy new year

Here I am, not in Australia but in Austria. And it's fucking cold!! Anyone who wants to gimme some warmth?? Anyone?

I just wanted to wish u all a happy new year full of joy, health and love!
Will think of u on Midnight and will drink at least one beer for u! ;-)

Dad, I wish u a wonderful birthday. I'm thinking of u the whole day, it's ur day!! Love u, Dad!

So to all of u: take care, feel hugged and kissed,
foxtrot



have urself...


...a merry little Christmas!
Hope u have a great 'n peaceful time!!

May some of ur wishes come true, but most of all I wish u a great time with the ones u love!
Most of the people I love spent Christmas Eve with me, so I think I can call me lucky, huh?
Some people I love weren't here with me - but my thoughts were with them, every minute. And I hope that these people do know that.
And there are still some presents left under the tree ;-) So just wait for our next meeting.

Dad, this has been the 3rd Christmas without u. I miss u so much. We miss u. If u could just see how happy my little one was this eve! How excited she was during the whole day. And when I put the presents under the tree while she was waiting with the others in the corridor believing that the Christ Child would have been with me in the living room... I had tears in my eyes when I joined her in the corridor and saw all the excitemend... And it hurts me that u can't be with us, can't see her. And that she can't be with u anymore... :'-(
I'm sure u'd be proud of her.

My thoughts were with u, Dad. Not only on Christmas.


Okay, being sad is the last thing I wish anyone of u. So it seems to be paradox being sad by myself.
I'll have a last cigarette and then I'll hit the hay.

Wish u all a great Christmas Day!!



have urself...


...a merry little Christmas!
Hope u have a great 'n peaceful time!!

May some of ur wishes come true, but most of all I wish u a great time with the ones u love!
Most of the people I love spent Christmas Eve with me, so I think I can call me lucky, huh?
Some people I love weren't here with me - but my thoughts were with them, every minute. And I hope that these people do know that.
And there are still some presents left under the tree ;-) So just wait for our next meeting.

Dad, this has been the 3rd Christmas without u. I miss u so much. We miss u. If u could just see how happy my little one was this eve! How excited she was during the whole day. And when I put the presents under the tree while she was waiting with the others in the corridor believing that the Christ Child would have been with me in the living room... I had tears in my eyes when I joined her in the corridor and saw all the excitemend... And it hurts me that u can't be with us, can't see her. And that she can't be with u anymore... :'-(
I'm sure u'd be proud of her.

My thoughts were with u, Dad. Not only on Christmas.


Okay, being sad is the last thing I wish anyone of u. So it seems to be paradox being sad by myself.
I'll have a last cigarette and then I'll hit the hay.

Wish u all a great Christmas Day!!



not just words, not just a song and not just a movie

It's words like these ones, songs like this one, that makes me wonder about love and life. It's a movie like that one that makes me believe in love and life.
On the other side it
makes me homesick, makes me wanna run away. That movie is like a battle to me.
And I can't wait to watch it again and again and again. Even if I have to go to the theatre all alone...



By The Boab Tree


Sing and I will hear you

No matter where you are
A song to light the darkest night
And guide me from afar

And I will never be alone
Now I know you’re somewhere
You’re everywhere to me
You’re the colour in the sky
A reason to believe
And when the rain falls down
You tell a story
And I will hear you
Always near you
By the boab tree

Lay your arms around me
Like the falling rain
Let the feeling drown me
And life begins again

And I will never be afraid
Now I know you’re somewhere
You’re everywhere to me
The warming of the sun upon
The earth beneath my feet
And when the rain falls down
You tell a story
And I will hear you
Always near you
By the boab tree

Oh you are somewhere
You’re everywhere to me
You’re the colour in the sky
And you’re the earth beneath my feet
And when the rain falls down
You tell a story
And I will hear you
Always near you
By the boab tree



not just words, not just a song and not just a movie

It's words like these ones, songs like this one, that makes me wonder about love and life. It's a movie like that one that makes me believe in love and life.
On the other side it
makes me homesick, makes me wanna run away. That movie is like a battle to me.
And I can't wait to watch it again and again and again. Even if I have to go to the theatre all alone...



By The Boab Tree


Sing and I will hear you

No matter where you are
A song to light the darkest night
And guide me from afar

And I will never be alone
Now I know you’re somewhere
You’re everywhere to me
You’re the colour in the sky
A reason to believe
And when the rain falls down
You tell a story
And I will hear you
Always near you
By the boab tree

Lay your arms around me
Like the falling rain
Let the feeling drown me
And life begins again

And I will never be afraid
Now I know you’re somewhere
You’re everywhere to me
The warming of the sun upon
The earth beneath my feet
And when the rain falls down
You tell a story
And I will hear you
Always near you
By the boab tree

Oh you are somewhere
You’re everywhere to me
You’re the colour in the sky
And you’re the earth beneath my feet
And when the rain falls down
You tell a story
And I will hear you
Always near you
By the boab tree



hurt

Tried to be rational. Listened to reasons.
Went in circles. Searched for a solution.
In the end we found pain. Hurt each other.

Do what we don't want to do. And won't do what we wanna do most.

Anything we won? Or have we just lost something?
Things will never be the same again. Nothing will be like before.
Nothing.

Sitting here, can't sleep. Sitting here for nearly two hours, since it's been done.
Don't know what to do. What to think. What to feel.
All I know is that it hurts.

Hurt each other.
Even that's the last thing anyone of us wanted to do.
In the end that's all we did.



hurt

Tried to be rational. Listened to reasons.
Went in circles. Searched for a solution.
In the end we found pain. Hurt each other.

Do what we don't want to do. And won't do what we wanna do most.

Anything we won? Or have we just lost something?
Things will never be the same again. Nothing will be like before.
Nothing.

Sitting here, can't sleep. Sitting here for nearly two hours, since it's been done.
Don't know what to do. What to think. What to feel.
All I know is that it hurts.

Hurt each other.
Even that's the last thing anyone of us wanted to do.
In the end that's all we did.



review of the year's events

So, this year will be over in 11 days. Wow. Time flew by very fast. Sometimes it really scares me. Let's look back.

In January we came back from our trip to Australia. How I miss these days. Were amongst the best days of my life. We had so much fun Down Under. We also had some hard times there, lots of tears and pain. But we kinda dealed with it. And I don't wanna miss these memories. Will treasure them deep inside my heart. All in all I'd say it was the best time of my life. And I can't wait to go back to Oz.


In April I finished university, finally. Was such a great feeling to know that I made it. There have been times when I thought about to quit studying. Times when I wanted to run away. But I kept on going. And I made it. Kinda proud of myself ;-)

In May trinity and me visited nighty in Galway. We had a lot of fun and the landscape of Ireland is so beautiful. Old castles and churches everywhere, and the stone walls... Such a beautiful country!


In July the 2nd X-Files movie was released in theatres. Some philes from xfiles-mania.de went to Kassel to watch the movie all together. Being crazy rules. We had so much fun, walking through the city with the banner, playing all these games in the restaurant afterwards.


And just a few days later we flew to London to attend the red carpent premiere of the movie. Lucky enough we won tickets for the premiere. And the best of all: I met my wife again! Hell yeah, after 3 years!


In August we had the 1st David Duchovny Film Festival *g* What can I say? Think u already know it. Yer, was a lot of fun :-P


At the end of August I started my traineeship at school. Finally working, finally teaching. That's what I worked for for 5 years at university.

In November my daughter turned 4. That was a day when I realised how fast time goes by. Got the feeling it was just yesterday when I was pregnant. Unbelievable.



In December we had the great chance to attend the premiere of Hugh Jackman's new film "Australia" in Berlin. This movie is one of the greatest ones I've ever seen! And of course Hugh was adorable - not only in the movie ;-)


So I think I had a lot of highlights this year... Wasn't that bad *g*

And yet the year's not over. I'm sure there are some more things coming up. And hopefully the new year will be all in all a good one, too :-)

review of the year's events

So, this year will be over in 11 days. Wow. Time flew by very fast. Sometimes it really scares me. Let's look back.

In January we came back from our trip to Australia. How I miss these days. Were amongst the best days of my life. We had so much fun Down Under. We also had some hard times there, lots of tears and pain. But we kinda dealed with it. And I don't wanna miss these memories. Will treasure them deep inside my heart. All in all I'd say it was the best time of my life. And I can't wait to go back to Oz.


In April I finished university, finally. Was such a great feeling to know that I made it. There have been times when I thought about to quit studying. Times when I wanted to run away. But I kept on going. And I made it. Kinda proud of myself ;-)

In May trinity and me visited nighty in Galway. We had a lot of fun and the landscape of Ireland is so beautiful. Old castles and churches everywhere, and the stone walls... Such a beautiful country!


In July the 2nd X-Files movie was released in theatres. Some philes from xfiles-mania.de went to Kassel to watch the movie all together. Being crazy rules. We had so much fun, walking through the city with the banner, playing all these games in the restaurant afterwards.


And just a few days later we flew to London to attend the red carpent premiere of the movie. Lucky enough we won tickets for the premiere. And the best of all: I met my wife again! Hell yeah, after 3 years!


In August we had the 1st David Duchovny Film Festival *g* What can I say? Think u already know it. Yer, was a lot of fun :-P


At the end of August I started my traineeship at school. Finally working, finally teaching. That's what I worked for for 5 years at university.

In November my daughter turned 4. That was a day when I realised how fast time goes by. Got the feeling it was just yesterday when I was pregnant. Unbelievable.



In December we had the great chance to attend the premiere of Hugh Jackman's new film "Australia" in Berlin. This movie is one of the greatest ones I've ever seen! And of course Hugh was adorable - not only in the movie ;-)


So I think I had a lot of highlights this year... Wasn't that bad *g*

And yet the year's not over. I'm sure there are some more things coming up. And hopefully the new year will be all in all a good one, too :-)

the inner kid


What happens when u bring me to a place with a huge playground?
Exactly, I need to try everything!!
So I've been to workshops from Monday til Wednesday and during one workshop we went to a park with some playgrounds. I just couldn't resist ;-)





So yer, I had a lot of fun *gg*
There where different workshops, and every one was fun. In the evenings we all sat together, played some games, talked, laughed...
Time went by way too fast and I really hope that we can do sth. like this again when it's warmer outside. Just two days, all or the most of us, together. Maybe camping or whatever. Just having fun.
It's really great that we're such a small group of eleven people. And we all get along with each other really well.

Tomorrow's the last day of school, then we've got X-Mas holidays for two weeks.
Still not prepared for Christmas, need to buy some gifts soon ;-)
On Christmas Day we'll go to my boyfriend's parents where we'll stay two days. And then we finally will drive to Vienna, where my wife lives. Can't wait to see her again!! Will be so much fun! Haven't been at her place for three years. Back then my daughter was only 8 months old and I had no clue that I would get to know my boyfriend 4 months later. And now, 3 years later, we'll go there together.

But before that I have to do a few more things here.
Like cleaning the flat, and on Monday I'll have an appointment with my piercer, hell yeah! It's about time for a new piercing ;-)

Talking about time: Have to end now, there are so many things waiting for me...

the inner kid


What happens when u bring me to a place with a huge playground?
Exactly, I need to try everything!!
So I've been to workshops from Monday til Wednesday and during one workshop we went to a park with some playgrounds. I just couldn't resist ;-)





So yer, I had a lot of fun *gg*
There where different workshops, and every one was fun. In the evenings we all sat together, played some games, talked, laughed...
Time went by way too fast and I really hope that we can do sth. like this again when it's warmer outside. Just two days, all or the most of us, together. Maybe camping or whatever. Just having fun.
It's really great that we're such a small group of eleven people. And we all get along with each other really well.

Tomorrow's the last day of school, then we've got X-Mas holidays for two weeks.
Still not prepared for Christmas, need to buy some gifts soon ;-)
On Christmas Day we'll go to my boyfriend's parents where we'll stay two days. And then we finally will drive to Vienna, where my wife lives. Can't wait to see her again!! Will be so much fun! Haven't been at her place for three years. Back then my daughter was only 8 months old and I had no clue that I would get to know my boyfriend 4 months later. And now, 3 years later, we'll go there together.

But before that I have to do a few more things here.
Like cleaning the flat, and on Monday I'll have an appointment with my piercer, hell yeah! It's about time for a new piercing ;-)

Talking about time: Have to end now, there are so many things waiting for me...

thinking of u, Dad...


Just listened to one of "your" songs, one of the songs that was played at ur funeral. And it still drives me tears into my eyes. I miss u, Dad. I really miss u. Every day, every night. It seems like this pain won't fade, like it'll stay forever. Thinking of u still hurts. Talking about u with Liv still hurts. That's why I am not that often at ur grave. I just can't stand the pain. I don't wanna face ur grave, the gravestone with ur picture and name on it.
This year will be the 3rd Christmas without u. And again I managed to get away during this time. I don't really plan doing it, it just turns out this way for the 2nd time. I guess my subconscious just makes me do that.

K, managed to handle the tears...
So here's your song:

Morning has broken, like the first morning
Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird
Praise for the singing, praise for the morning
Praise for the springing fresh from the word

Sweet the rain's new fall, sunlit from heaven
Like the first dewfall, on the first grass
Praise for the sweetness of the wet garden
Sprung in completeness where his feet pass

Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning
Born of the one light, Eden saw play
Praise with elation, praise every morning
God's recreation of the new day


thinking of u, Dad...


Just listened to one of "your" songs, one of the songs that was played at ur funeral. And it still drives me tears into my eyes. I miss u, Dad. I really miss u. Every day, every night. It seems like this pain won't fade, like it'll stay forever. Thinking of u still hurts. Talking about u with Liv still hurts. That's why I am not that often at ur grave. I just can't stand the pain. I don't wanna face ur grave, the gravestone with ur picture and name on it.
This year will be the 3rd Christmas without u. And again I managed to get away during this time. I don't really plan doing it, it just turns out this way for the 2nd time. I guess my subconscious just makes me do that.

K, managed to handle the tears...
So here's your song:

Morning has broken, like the first morning
Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird
Praise for the singing, praise for the morning
Praise for the springing fresh from the word

Sweet the rain's new fall, sunlit from heaven
Like the first dewfall, on the first grass
Praise for the sweetness of the wet garden
Sprung in completeness where his feet pass

Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning
Born of the one light, Eden saw play
Praise with elation, praise every morning
God's recreation of the new day


fun, panic and woefulness

Long time no see. I just hadn't the energy to write anything. I'm still tired as hell, a condition I'm living with for the last 3 weeks, I guess.
So what happened since my last entry? Hm, I went to visit dagildamu in Bavaria and we really had a lot of fun. I'll add a video of us to this entry *gg* [Note: We're absolute beginners in playing the e-guitar and playing the drums and we just played by ear, so we didn't play from the score. It was just for fun - and yer, we had a lot of fun ;D ]
It was really great, just too short.

On Monday I'll have my first teaching visitation. The first out of 13. I'm so fucking nervous and I still have to organize a few things.
I'll show a physics lesson about magnetism. There are 5 learning stations, each providing a little experiment. And each station contains 3 different degrees of difficulty, so that every pupil has a chance to run the experiments. I hope that the kids will learn via these experiments which material is magnetic and that they have a lot of fun while learning.
It's not very easy as the kids haven't done experiments by themselves before at school. The trail lesson where they had to do 2 experiments with air was a total desaster :-/

Hope my bf is coming home soon, as I have to go to the mall without the little one. Hate waiting.
Well, at the moment I just hate everything.
Last year at this date I was packing the last things into our suitcase. I still miss Oz so much. Wish I could go there again very soon. I miss the warmth, miss the people, miss the country. Miss it all :'-(



fun, panic and woefulness

Long time no see. I just hadn't the energy to write anything. I'm still tired as hell, a condition I'm living with for the last 3 weeks, I guess.
So what happened since my last entry? Hm, I went to visit dagildamu in Bavaria and we really had a lot of fun. I'll add a video of us to this entry *gg* [Note: We're absolute beginners in playing the e-guitar and playing the drums and we just played by ear, so we didn't play from the score. It was just for fun - and yer, we had a lot of fun ;D ]
It was really great, just too short.

On Monday I'll have my first teaching visitation. The first out of 13. I'm so fucking nervous and I still have to organize a few things.
I'll show a physics lesson about magnetism. There are 5 learning stations, each providing a little experiment. And each station contains 3 different degrees of difficulty, so that every pupil has a chance to run the experiments. I hope that the kids will learn via these experiments which material is magnetic and that they have a lot of fun while learning.
It's not very easy as the kids haven't done experiments by themselves before at school. The trail lesson where they had to do 2 experiments with air was a total desaster :-/

Hope my bf is coming home soon, as I have to go to the mall without the little one. Hate waiting.
Well, at the moment I just hate everything.
Last year at this date I was packing the last things into our suitcase. I still miss Oz so much. Wish I could go there again very soon. I miss the warmth, miss the people, miss the country. Miss it all :'-(