hurt less

It's hard to know that things are falling apart.
It's hard to accept that things are falling apart.
I don't want to know that things are falling apart.
I don't want to accept that things are falling apart.
I'd like to pretend that everything is fine.
I'd like to believe that everything is fine.
Even if I have to lie to myself.
Because it hurts less that way.

hurt less

It's hard to know that things are falling apart.
It's hard to accept that things are falling apart.
I don't want to know that things are falling apart.
I don't want to accept that things are falling apart.
I'd like to pretend that everything is fine.
I'd like to believe that everything is fine.
Even if I have to lie to myself.
Because it hurts less that way.

finally some good days

My last week sucked big time. It started last Saturday and continued the whole damn week. Everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong. When I had some nice hours something came up again and the day was trashed.
A fucked up week - until this weekend.

Although I had lots of work to do, I also had a wonderful weekend.
I was able to finish all of the stuff I need for tomorrow - my last attendance at school before my final examination in May.
I had a funny Friday at the didacta.
I had a great Friday night at home.
I had a wonderful Saturday spending some quality time with my little monster and jb while watching a great soccer match.
She smiled at me.
We had pizza and icecream.
We watched some DVD.
I had a less stressful Sunday because most of my stuff was finished on Saturday - thanks to jb.

All that is left now is that damn portfolio. Have to write on that tomorrow. Cause deadline is on Tuesday.

Anyway... great weekend!

finally some good days

My last week sucked big time. It started last Saturday and continued the whole damn week. Everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong. When I had some nice hours something came up again and the day was trashed.
A fucked up week - until this weekend.

Although I had lots of work to do, I also had a wonderful weekend.
I was able to finish all of the stuff I need for tomorrow - my last attendance at school before my final examination in May.
I had a funny Friday at the didacta.
I had a great Friday night at home.
I had a wonderful Saturday spending some quality time with my little monster and jb while watching a great soccer match.
She smiled at me.
We had pizza and icecream.
We watched some DVD.
I had a less stressful Sunday because most of my stuff was finished on Saturday - thanks to jb.

All that is left now is that damn portfolio. Have to write on that tomorrow. Cause deadline is on Tuesday.

Anyway... great weekend!

yes i hate the way i feel inside

I dunno what it is or what exactly happened that I feel the way I feel now. Maybe nothing special happened, maybe my feelings are just the result of a progress. Something going on for days or maybe even weeks.
But I do know that I hate the way I feel.

Helpless.
Useless.
Incompetent.
Dumb.
Lonely.
Wrong.

These feelings hurt. And I better don't think about a way to stop them. Would hurt as well.

And why can't people just say what they want? What they think? Why can't they? How should I know what a person is thinking? What intentions someone has? I can't. I clearly can't. So please just say it! And stop acting that way.
And nope. The fact that we see each other only every two weeks doesn't help me very much.

And when I think about my future I should be happy. I should have happy thoughts. But I have not.
When I think about the future I start to panic. It's coming back. My anxiety about the future is coming back.
Just in time.

And I start doubting many decisions in my life. Again.
Which leeds me into thinking. And thinking ain't good. Thinking keeps me from working.
And not working means more panic not to get everything finished just in time.

yes i hate the way i feel inside

I dunno what it is or what exactly happened that I feel the way I feel now. Maybe nothing special happened, maybe my feelings are just the result of a progress. Something going on for days or maybe even weeks.
But I do know that I hate the way I feel.

Helpless.
Useless.
Incompetent.
Dumb.
Lonely.
Wrong.

These feelings hurt. And I better don't think about a way to stop them. Would hurt as well.

And why can't people just say what they want? What they think? Why can't they? How should I know what a person is thinking? What intentions someone has? I can't. I clearly can't. So please just say it! And stop acting that way.
And nope. The fact that we see each other only every two weeks doesn't help me very much.

And when I think about my future I should be happy. I should have happy thoughts. But I have not.
When I think about the future I start to panic. It's coming back. My anxiety about the future is coming back.
Just in time.

And I start doubting many decisions in my life. Again.
Which leeds me into thinking. And thinking ain't good. Thinking keeps me from working.
And not working means more panic not to get everything finished just in time.