it still hurts

I miss you.

I miss you when my little daughter has learned something new.
I miss you when I made a decision.
I miss you when I need someone to talk to.
I miss you when I need an advice.
I miss you when it's 5:30 pm and you're not coming home.
I miss you when I listen to songs by Rosenstolz.
I miss you when I drive that car.
I miss you when I look through photos.
I miss you so much that I can't stand it watching all the old videos.
I miss you so much that I have tears in my eyes when I think of you.
I miss you so very much that I am crying while typing this entry.

I missed you so much yesterday. I never expected to turn thirty without you in my life.
I never expected to be without you for more than 4 years on that day.
I miss your voice.
I miss your jokes, funny or not.
I miss arguing with you.
I miss yelling at you.
I miss you yelling at me.
I miss us watching my daughter sleep.
I miss you and my daughter laugh when you played together.
I miss my daughter saying "Opa" with that big smile on her face.
I miss all of this every day in my life.

I just wished I could turn back time. To be there that night. Be there for you.
Dad, missing you is the most hurting thing in my life.


proud Daddy