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I tried to avoid. Tried not to go there. It was "his" place. Here my parents got married, here I spent most of the time of my childhood. It was my second home. Here my daughter got christened. Here she spent many weekends and afternoons. It was the place my Dad loved the most, his working place, Schloss Strünkede. An old watercastle which is a museum now. I still remember how I used to play in the castle as a kid. Everytime the kindergarten was closed, my Dad took me to his work where I knew every corner. When I was older I even worked there at the weekends and when there have been these summer Schlosshof festivals. With the money I earned I bought me my motorbike...
My Dad was proud of his job, he lived for it. Some people said he was more married with this castle than with my Mom.
And after my Dad's death I never ever went back to that castle again. I couldn't. Too many memories. Too much love. Too much mourning. But yesterday I was there again. Again there was one of these festivals and I went there to see Sue again. And when my daughter and me arrived there it hit me. It totally hit me. Everything came back. All these memories, the love, the mourning. It was such a strange feeling. So many things had changed during the last two years. And on the other hand everything there was still so familiar. I waited the whole eve for my Dad coming around the corner. It was his place and ever will be. No doubts.
I dunno how to describe it. It was just like he was there. Around me. Around us. Around the castle. Everywhere. I wish he was. And is.
I still want to get married there, in the castle. And I want my maybe second child to get christened there, too. It's like a bound. Something that connects us. And ever will.
I love you, Dad - wherever you may be.
I tried to avoid. Tried not to go there. It was "his" place. Here my parents got married, here I spent most of the time of my childhood. It was my second home. Here my daughter got christened. Here she spent many weekends and afternoons. It was the place my Dad loved the most, his working place, Schloss Strünkede. An old watercastle which is a museum now. I still remember how I used to play in the castle as a kid. Everytime the kindergarten was closed, my Dad took me to his work where I knew every corner. When I was older I even worked there at the weekends and when there have been these summer Schlosshof festivals. With the money I earned I bought me my motorbike...
My Dad was proud of his job, he lived for it. Some people said he was more married with this castle than with my Mom.
And after my Dad's death I never ever went back to that castle again. I couldn't. Too many memories. Too much love. Too much mourning. But yesterday I was there again. Again there was one of these festivals and I went there to see Sue again. And when my daughter and me arrived there it hit me. It totally hit me. Everything came back. All these memories, the love, the mourning. It was such a strange feeling. So many things had changed during the last two years. And on the other hand everything there was still so familiar. I waited the whole eve for my Dad coming around the corner. It was his place and ever will be. No doubts.
I dunno how to describe it. It was just like he was there. Around me. Around us. Around the castle. Everywhere. I wish he was. And is.
I still want to get married there, in the castle. And I want my maybe second child to get christened there, too. It's like a bound. Something that connects us. And ever will.
I love you, Dad - wherever you may be.
Now I'm back in Germany for nearly half a year. And I still have this weird feeling of not belonging here.
It's so strange and I can't describe it. I mean I've been in Down Under for only 5 weeks. But it was like I always thought. I felt home over there. Everything seemed so right. It was like I finally arrived where I belong after a long long journey.
And when I came back here everything seemed so wrong. The language, the people, the weather, my whole life. And it still feels like that. I wish I could get into the next plane right back to Oz. Back to where my heart is, where I belong. But I can't. I've got my family here, my boyfriend, my daughter, they have their lifes & friends over here. And we have so many plans for the future all together. I also need to start my traineeship in school in August, which will last two years.
All I can do is just hope that I can go back to Oz real soon - even if it's just for holidays, just for a few weeks. Better than nothing I suppose.
Now I'm back in Germany for nearly half a year. And I still have this weird feeling of not belonging here.
It's so strange and I can't describe it. I mean I've been in Down Under for only 5 weeks. But it was like I always thought. I felt home over there. Everything seemed so right. It was like I finally arrived where I belong after a long long journey.
And when I came back here everything seemed so wrong. The language, the people, the weather, my whole life. And it still feels like that. I wish I could get into the next plane right back to Oz. Back to where my heart is, where I belong. But I can't. I've got my family here, my boyfriend, my daughter, they have their lifes & friends over here. And we have so many plans for the future all together. I also need to start my traineeship in school in August, which will last two years.
All I can do is just hope that I can go back to Oz real soon - even if it's just for holidays, just for a few weeks. Better than nothing I suppose.
