wtf?

I should be happy. Today I finished page 18 of my thesis. I only need to write 4 more parts and have 12 pages to fill with words left. The end seems near.
And I have a wonderful and smart little daughter who tells me about at least 3 times a day that she loves me.

Should be very happy. But right now I'm sitting here and all I wanna do is crying.
Why? Dunno.

Is it because my younger brother told me about his lovesickness today? Because I rarely experienced him that vulnerable, human?

Is it because I think too much about my Dad? Because it's the third Christmas without him and it'll be his birthday in four days?

Even my fear of the future is back.
There really is no reason for that. After my final examination I'll get a job, I'll be well paid as a special edu teacher, really no reason.
But I'm afraid anyway.

Along with that fear there's this desire to run. Run away.
Only 5 more months until my final examination. Might that be the reason for everything?
Not sure.

And though I'm afraid for no reason, though I feel like I can't handle anything, there's this inner longing for a 2nd child. Around me everyone is getting pregnant. Today an old friend I haven't talked to for a long time, send me a message. She's pregnant, too. Will have her first baby in March 2010.
Two colleagues of mine will have their kids in 2010.
Another old friend of mine just got her cute little girl a month ago.

What the fuck is wrong with me? Midlife crisis? At the age of 29? Woohoo.