falling apart

I should be totally happy. I should smile and laugh and be cheery, etc pp.
But I'm not.
I'm feeling weird, out of order.
Everything seems to fall apart. There are so many things that don't make any sense at all anymore.
I try to sort these things out, I need to fix these things. Because I don't want some things to fall apart. I really don't want them to.
I miss the old days. I miss the sense in my life.
I don't wanna go back to the old days, but I want things to make sense again. I want to see a reason.

Am I asking for too much?

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